Lines To A Gentleman,

    lines to a gentleman,
    who had sent the poet a newspaper, and offered
    to continue it free of expense.
    kind sir, i've read your paper through,
    and faith, to me, 'twas really new!
    how guessed ye, sir, what maist i wanted?
    this mony a day i've grain'd and gaunted,
    to ken what french mischief was brewin;
    or what the drumlie dutch were doin;
    that vile doup-skelper, emperor joseph,
    if venus yet had got his nose off;
    or how the collieshangie works
    atween the russians and the turks,
    or if the swede, before he halt,
    would play anither charles the twalt;
    if denmark, any body spak o't;
    or poland, wha had now the tack o't:
    how cut-throat prussian blades were hingin;
    how libbet italy was singin;
    if spaniard, portuguese, or swiss,
    were sayin' or takin' aught amiss;
    or how our merry lads at hame,
    in britain's court kept up the game;
    how royal george, the lord leuk o'er him!
    was managing st. stephen's quorum;
    if sleekit chatham will was livin,
    or glaikit charlie got his nieve in;
    how daddie burke the plea was cookin,
    if warren hasting's neck was yeukin;
    how cesses, stents, and fees were rax'd.
    or if bare arses yet were tax'd;
    the news o' princes, dukes, and earls,
    pimps, sharpers, bawds, and opera-girls;
    if that daft buckie, geordie wales,
    was threshing still at hizzies' tails;
    or if he was grown oughtlins douser,
    and no a perfect kintra cooser:
    a' this and mair i never heard of;
    and, but for you, i might despair'd of.
    so, gratefu', back your news i send you,
    and pray a' gude things may attend you.
    ellisland, monday morning, 1790.